My Jacob
by Megs1313
Summary: This is a retelling of Eclipse from Jacob's POV as I see it . Rated T for now, but will go M in later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

Clearly I am not SM and do not own any of these characters. This is strictly a retelling of Eclipse from Jacob's perspective. This is my first attempt at a fan fic, so let me know what you think. Portions of each chapter will be direct quotes from SM's work, I do not mean to represent her work as my own, but was hoping to make the transition between my work and hers as seemless as possible. All standard disclaimers apply. I have no beta, so reviews are super helpful!!!

A note for this first chapter, I am not savvy enough to know how to include the ink splatters that exist in the real copy of Eclipse. Pretend they are there. LOL! Also I couldn't figure out how to insert different fonts, so the bolded words are meant to be in Jacob and Bella's handwriting. Hope it makes sense!

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Eclipse Jacob POV

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Chapter 1

SEE THE PROBLEM WITH ENEMIES IS, YOU HAVE TO ACTUALLY HATE THEM, WITHOUT EXCEPTION

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**Jacob,**

**I'm sorry. Please don't give up on me. I miss you.**

**Bella**

_Ouch._ So _I'm_ giving up on _her._

I grabbed the only piece of paper I could find in my box-sized room and a pen and sat down to tell her just exactly what was wrong with that, but as soon as I'd written out those first five letters: B-E-L-L-A, I lost my nerve. I had no idea where to go from there. This is what our relationship was now. Notes carried from Charlie to Billy to me. Ugh.

**I don't know why you're making Charlie carry notes to Billy like we're in second grade-if I wanted to talk to you I would answer the**

But I did want to talk to her. _She_ didn't want to hear what I had to say.

**You made the choice here, Okay? You can't have it both ways when**

_When it's over._ I finished the thought mentally. I shook my head against the image of Bella- cold and beautiful with glowing red eyes. My form began to tremble.

**What part of 'mortal enemies' is too complicated for you to**

_Crack_

_Damn, I need another pen. This is pathetic. Keep it together, Jake. This is BELLA. _I sighed. My Bella. Those beautiful brown eyes. That stubborn will and selfless nature. My friend. My forehead creased and I pressed my fists into my temples.

**Look, I know I'm being a jerk, but there's just no way around**

The pen broke again, but this time it was the weight of my despair that crushed it. Anger was easier to bear than this…this…loss. There was a Bella-shaped hole right there in my room. Wherever I went, it came with me. I felt empty as I imagined her _there_ with _them. _Unnaturally comfortable in that reeking, sterile, frosty house.

**We can't be friends when you're spending all your time with a bunch of**

I let out a deep sigh. Nope, can't say that either. This is ridiculous; I should just go over there right now and take her. I don't like thinking of her there with them. Hideous bloodsuckers, and my sweet Bella aching to be one of them! I would love an excuse to start the war. To go in and get her out like the prisoner she is. A shiver like a convulsion whipped down my spine.

**It just makes it worse when I think about you too much, so don't write anymore**

I cringed. _Is that really what I want?_ NOT to hear from her? Do I really want her to fade out of my life, my memory? Would that make things better? It seemed like another lifetime, that Bella had been a regular fixture in my garage. A happier time when I still felt _normal_ on occasion. It was easy for us, then. It couldn't have been more natural or normal. I sighed again.

**Yeah I miss you, too. A lot. Doesn't change anything. Sorry.**

**Jacob**

What did she _want_ from me? She definitely doesn't want to hear what I want to say. I'd love to tell her the truth without holding back. I'd love to tell her that I could still fulfill my promise to her, despite her irrational feelings for that leech, but how? I was fighting a losing battle to even try.

I contemplated tearing off just the last bit of the note to give to Billy, but decided I'd let her hear it. All of it. Let her get a glimpse of what I was thinking. _Maybe it would discourage her from writing again, _I snorted darkly.

I bounded into the living room and shoved the note roughly toward my father. "Here." He began to speak, but I held my hand up to silence him. I was too ticked off to listen to his explanations, his hopes for a different future. "Just deliver it, Dad. I've got pack stuff." And with that, I slid out of my pants and tucked them into the band around my leg-taking off through the front door. I phased before my paws hit the gravel walk.

Stupidly, I didn't get my mind refocused off of Bella before the pack could take a front row seat to the horror movie playing in my mind.

_Ugh, not again. Seriously, Jake, you're making _me _suicidal. _

_Shut up, Leah. _

_Quiet. _Sam's Alpha voice silenced us. Something was up.

_The Council has asked that we step up patrols. Apparently there is evidence of vampire activity in Seattle. _

A growl seemed to emanate from all of our minds and bodies in unison. I heard Quil swear in his mind in worry for Claire.

_What's up? _I asked, anxious to get a plan together. I'd love to do ANYTHING that would push back against the feeling of helplessness in the vampire department that currently existed in my head and heart.

_Some of the headlines are eerily similar to our stories. It's a warning. We know what the other humans, don't. There are monsters out there and we need to be prepared to protect our lands. _

A general whoop of ascent ran through the pack. We were going to do our job. You could almost see the excitement and purpose in the air. This was exactly what I needed; I needed to be too busy to think. I saw her face in my mind and dreamed of touching it. Leah made a sound somewhere between a growl and a heave. _I'm gonna be sick._ She thought right at me. I snarled back at her and showed her a memory of Sam and Emily by the bonfire…Leah coiled backward, but Sam's order stopped her before she could spring at me.

_Enough, _he said, with the Alpha timbre still strong in his voice. _We have to focus. We have a job to do. _

We were back on track now and Sam handed out patrol orders to all of us. I was happy that he'd given me the longest and hardest shifts. Sam really was a good guy and I was glad that he had been willing to stay on as Alpha when I'd changed. I didn't want the job and I was starting to think I wasn't ever even meant for it.

I got out of wolf form the minute I could. I couldn't handle Leah for another second, not to mention Paul and Quil, both tearing me apart with the joy that radiated through them as a result of their imprintings. The truth was I was more comfortable as a wolf, but saner as a man, though I was happy neither way. I hadn't felt whole in either form since that night that the littlest bloodsucker had shown up to Bella's. I went back to the house to get what little rest I could before it was time to go to work, thankful that my different nature made sleep come so easily. It was the last refuge available to me.


	2. Chapter 2

All the characters and portions of the text/plot belong to Stephenie Meyer, queen of the twilight universe. All standard disclaimers apply. I have no beta so please review!!!!

A note on the chapter titles, I was going for the same kind of feel that Jacob's chapter titles had in BD. I hope it's making sense...

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Chapter 2

RUNNING ALL NIGHT IN WHAT BASICALLY AMOUNTS TO CIRCLES IS WHAT I LIKE TO DO FOR FUN

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I ran through the air feeling oddly hopeful while I kept my nose and eyes out for anything unusual. Maybe it was just the knowledge that something was brewing not far from here, but I could almost feel trouble building, like when the air pressure shifts before a storm. It was intangible in many ways, but there nonetheless. Even the animals in the forest seemed on edge. I heard Embry's thoughts before his paws as the arc of his path neared mine. He'd been oddly quiet this evening and hadn't registered anything of consequence, but he must have caught my thoughts about the forest because he now puzzled over the edginess that seemed to prevail over the otherwise peaceful evening.

When we passed each other his mind involuntarily flashed to a mental image that wasn't his own. It stopped me dead in my tracks. He pushed it out of his mind the moment he realized his slip, but the damage was done. It was all I could see now: Bella and I walking toward the pack the day she learned of my true nature. We'd walked toward them hand in hand and Embry had been thinking about it, wondering how Bella and I had gone from that to what we were now, whatever that was…

I could still feel her petite hand in mine and feel my body respond to the tingling in her touch. I don't think I realized it at the time, but I had an irrational need to hold her hand when we were together. Like having her body in contact with mine would also give her some of my strength. Some kind of supernatural osmosis. I don't know for sure, but sometimes I think it worked. She would never admit to it, but it seemed to me that having her hands entwined with mine did make her feel stronger. She'd frequently try and shrug out from under one of my arms when things seemed too intimate or pull her hand out of mine when it made her feel self-conscious, but we always ended up back hand in hand like the pull to touch existed not only on my side of the fence. At least, that's what I'd told myself: that she felt it, too.

_I'm sorry, kid. It isn't right. _This time Embry meant for me to hear him. I gave a quick sniff to let him know that I was fine.

_What will you do when…well…you know? _

He didn't want to say the words, but I could see his meaning right there in his head: what happens when Bella becomes the enemy? What happens when I have to go from protecting her to protecting others from her? How long did we have before the war?

_I don't know, man. She'll be dead to me, I think. I can't see any way around it. I just hope I get to pay that filthy parasite back for killing her…for killing us…._

_You hear that? _Embry pulled me back from my thoughts and I refocused. I heard two sets of paws pounding on the forest floor. Leah and Seth had arrived to take over the patrol.

_Hey guys, _Seth greeted us as cheerful as ever. It was hard to believe sometimes that he was Leah's brother; they couldn't be more different.

_Man that was fast_, I thought. Was it really nearly sunrise? I hadn't noticed it before, but I was pretty tired. We'd been running for 12 hours, but time passed more easily for me as a wolf. I suppose it was a product of thinking less and running on instinct rather than emotion. The time I spent on patrol was much easier than any other time I spent awake.

Embry gave Leah and Seth the rundown (which was minimal) and we went on our way. _You're wasting your time. _Leah called after me, though Seth and Embry pretended not to know that I would do one last sweep near Bella's before I called it a night. Maybe it was a waste of time, but I couldn't sleep thinking I might have left her even more vulnerable than she already was.

When I got home, I had about two hours to recuperate before it was time to go to school. It seemed really stupid to keep up the charade that we were just ordinary teenagers. Talk about waste of time. I couldn't imagine what kind of use a guy like me had for a class on Social Studies that didn't involve learning how to decipher vampire activity from everyday newspaper headlines, but we kept on going nonetheless.

Mostly I used classes to daydream about how life should be right about now or what might have been, if I was being more honest with myself. I stewed over all kinds of what ifs and if only's, but one in particular haunted me in those idle moments more than any other.

I spent hours envisioning a different conclusion to that night—the night that Harry Clearwater died, or as I remembered it, the night I almost really had her. It was a bad night for all of us, but it was the single worst night of my life for a very different reason than all the others.

I was so sure at the time that Bella was coming around. I was confident that she was on the edge of accepting what I had been not-so-subtly offering her. I might have seemed pushy, always grabbing her hand and flirting with her relentlessly, but I'd resolved myself to let her make up her own mind about us. I would give her the time to come to the same conclusions I had, on her terms. In the meantime, I would be whatever she needed me to be. If she needed me as a friend, I was a friend. If she needed me as a protector, I was a protector. If she wanted me as a lover, well I was more than willing to fill that need. Of course I would try to influence her decision as much as I could, but I was pretty confident she'd come around. I had no intention of giving up and was prepared to give her all the time in the world to see my side of things. I would have waited for her forever, if that's what it took.

When we got to her house I was overcome with relief that she'd made it through the day (seeing as how she'd not only nearly drowned, but was being hunted by a relentlessly evasive bloodsucker that day) to be here with me, like this. We'd chased the red-headed leech, but hadn't caught her and when I went back to find Bella in the sea, drowning, I could hardly see through the red haze in my vision. Sitting there with my arm around her, holding her head tightly to my chest, it was like I was spent. I couldn't fight the urge to hold her closer, to know that she was OK. Maybe I was deluding myself, but I thought I sensed her working up the nerve to give in to me, and despite the disastrous day, I could feel hope percolating in my chest. When I stopped the car, I threw my other arm around her and crushed her body against mine. I was pretty sure it would make her uncomfortable, but at that moment I really couldn't care. I needed to feel her there, safely in my arms.

"Sorry. I know you don't feel exactly the way I do, Bells. I swear I don't mind. I'm just so glad you're OK that I could sing—and that's something no one wants to hear." I laughed. I heard her breathing speed up. I couldn't be sure if it was from discomfort or excitement, but I hoped. I really and truly hoped that this was the moment. This was everything I'd been working toward since she showed up with those bikes. Of course, she'd act like I was getting some kind of raw deal, as if she weren't the single greatest thing to ever happen to me. I sighed and rested my cheek against her head. I sensed a pull within her, like she was warring against the natural urges I was positive she was feeling somewhere in the pit of her stomach. Just then she tensed and I assumed she wasn't ready. I won't lie and say it didn't hurt to feel that close to heaven only to be ripped back down to earth, but this was my friend. She was not just some girl that I wanted to plant one on. This was my honey and I wouldn't be pushing her, not after all we'd been through that day. I backed off and reached for the door.

When I opened it that disgustingly sweet smell hit me like a brick wall. All that blissful hope and warmth was knocked right out of me in one swift motion and I'd never recaptured it, not in all the time that followed. That single blow left a hole inside of me that hadn't healed. Instead of getting better with time, it seemed to be getting gangrenous, literally rotting my insides.

Sometimes I pretended that she hadn't frozen stiff like that, that she'd turned her face to me and offered herself without words, just communicating to me with the deepness of her eyes. I imagined taking her face in my hands and pressing my lips to hers in acceptance of what could only be described as the greatest gift in nature: pure love. I imagined what it would be like to be allowed to touch her lips with my own, to trace the slope of her nose with my fingertip, to rest one hand on the small of her back while the other took hold of her chocolate hair.

These daydreams were more than unhealthy, they were embarrassing. I didn't get to keep any of this private, of course, and let's just say my fantasies didn't always end with a sweet kiss in the car. I had let my mind wander much too far in the past and true to my maleness, was unable to keep some of those less wholesome images from popping up in my consciousness from time to time. It wasn't as big a deal when the pack was all male, but Leah complicated matters in more ways than I could count. It would always be shameful, but so much more so through her eyes. The most shameful part of it all was that I didn't want the fantasies to go away. I didn't want to close the book on those possibilities and I couldn't possibly admit defeat. I was still fighting and the whole pack got to watch me lose. They knew what it was costing me, they knew everything. It was almost as unpleasant as the memories themselves.

But I couldn't give her up. I wouldn't forfeit. I still had some fight in me.


	3. Chapter 3

As always, I own nothing! SM is the queen of the twilight universe and no copyright infringement is intended. Thanks for the reviews! Keep them coming! It helped me churn out this chapter more quickly than I thought possible. This was tough to write, so I hope it came out alright. Please review if you can and thanks for reading!!!

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Chapter 3

CLOSE BUT NO CIGAR IS ABOUT AS SATISFYING AS AN AIR POPSICLE

I was thankful when the weekend came, because it meant a step up in my patrol schedule. I was glad to be running with Quil and Embry, my two best friends and now my brothers in many ways. Admittedly, it wasn't always easy to be around Quil anymore. Though the subject of Claire rarely came up on patrol, it was impossible to not feel the tug she had on him while inside his head. The imprint was phenomenally powerful even secondhand, but he did his best to stay focused when we ran together to minimize my misery at his happiness.

Honestly, I felt like a lousy friend most of the time. I'd thought more than once about taking off on my own and sparing the rest of them the mess in my head. I mean, _I_ didn't even want to be in my perpetually screwed up mind, and I knew I was bringing them all down, no matter how hard I tried not to. As much as I wanted to make things better for my brothers, I couldn't leave. Not while I was still fighting to save her. I chose her over everything. Myself, my brothers, my future. It was all secondary. Totally irrational, but impossible to control.

_The itsy bitsy spider went up the…_ Quil couldn't get the song out of his head and was therefore, mentally serenading Embry and me.

_Seriously, buddy? Are we going to be subjected to preschool tonight? Not that Embry couldn't use a refresher. _

_Thanks a lot, Jake. _Embry thought.

_Sorry, _Quil put a lid on it, _Claire's got me singing it fifty or so times a day. It's kind of stuck in there. _

_Sure, sure. We all know you're the one who likes the Wiggles, man. No use in hiding it from us, _I teased.

Embry snorted and Quil growled playfully. Just like that the joking stopped. A fresh trail appeared out of nowhere.

_Crap, what _is_ that?? Embry signal Sam. Quil branch out south. You smell it? That's recent. The red-headed female isn't far. _

My mind went a million directions all at once. I could feel the bloodlust growing and my muscles tensed all over my body. We all went into full alert mode. Embry howled out the signal and I could feel Sam phase into consciousness.

_Is it the female? _Sam asked.

_Yes, she can't be far the trail's not fifteen minutes old. We'll spread out and track her down…_Sam cut me off_. _

_No, wait for us, we'll have a better shot at her with all of us. _

_But, Sam, she's so close, Sam I have to get to her. _

I couldn't just sit and wait while the leech crept closer to her target: my Bella. I started to pace frantically, my will warring between what was expected of me and what I desperately wanted to do. My desperation won out.

_Listen, Sam, we can handle this while you guys get phased and get out here. We can't let her get away this time. Come on, guys, let's get her. _

With that, we shot off toward the south, but she was fast, real fast. Stupid supernatural speed, like a vamp needed it to kill. They were better equipped than was truly necessary. She darted across the treaty line and we all growled in frustration. We couldn't lose her again, she had to pay and I had to keep her away from her goal. I didn't think it was possible, but my insides tensed even more as we spread out along the line hoping she'd cross back over.

_You hear that? _Quil was the first to hear them in the trees. Among their arsenal of offensive and defensive skills, bloodsuckers were able to move almost soundlessly while running the forest. The faster ones could practically fly across the ground, which made it pretty flipping hard to find them without a trail, but there were other sounds coming from the Cullen side of the forest. It seemed that the Cullens were giving old red a run for her money.

_Keep your ears open, Quil. Come on, Embry let's get up there. _The Cullens had led our prey north and even at full speed we couldn't make up the ground quickly enough to surround her. She jumped back onto our side of the treaty line.

_Too bad we didn't know they were moving her that way. _Quil thought. By the time we got far north enough to pick the trail back up, Sam and the others had arrived.

Every one was anxious as the Cullens came into view on the other side of the line. The treaty may still have been in place, but it was hard to remember some bajilliion year old agreement with them when we were so focused on the hunt. It was our nature to thirst for their destruction.

That's when we caught up to her. She had nowhere to go with the coven on one side and the pack on the other. She stuck to the treaty line, but had to slow down as she ran out of options for escape. The big, burly one made a lunge for her and missed, nearly knocking into Paul in the process.

_Get off our land, bloodsucker! _Paul lost it and lunged right for him. The big guy managed to avoid him and got back on the other side of the line, but boy did Paul piss off the blonde! She snarled and crouched at the line directly across from Paul.

"Get control of yourself, dog, or I'll crush you." She hissed. Sam and I came to Paul's sides and the blonde relaxed her stance a bit. The chief leech and the blonde male came to Blondie's side.

"Peace, friends." The head vamp spoke to Sam directly. "We mean you no harm. We're on the same side tonight." An odd feeling of calm started to seep into our collective consciousness. It was the freaky mind control trick coming from the smaller male. I could feel my muscles unclench and hear the thoughts of my brothers take on a less animalistic tone.

_We will _never _be on the same side. _Paul thought, as Sam commanded us to stand down.

_We've got to catch the redhead. _Sam reminded us of our purpose there.

"We must go after her. She must be stopped. You can have the line to track her scent." The vamp chief directed at Sam. Sam nodded his agreement and we took off after her.

Back on the trail, our thoughts refocused and we closed in on her, all the while she stuck to the treaty line as if it were painted right onto the ground. She brought us closer and closer to the coastline up near the Makah boundary, but we didn't get to her in time to keep her from hitting the water.

_No! _I snarled.

The vamp's mouthpiece chimed in, "With your permission Sam, we'd like to pursue her in the water."

A low rumble ran through the pack. We were so not having any more vampires on our lands this evening. I don't know that any of us had the control to put up with it just then. Sam phased to relay that message to the coven. They were disappointed and the big one looked like he might be considering ignoring our refusal, but with a curt nod, the leader faded back into the forest and the rest followed him.

_Stupid, dirty…_

_Filth. Trash. _

_Rotten Leeches…_

The whole pack exploded in frustration. It seemed the smaller male's mind trick had worn off with his departure. We'd nearly had her and she slipped right through again. This was not good for morale. I immediately went right back into my irrational panic over Bella's whereabouts. I was pretty sure she'd be with the unworthy object of her affection, he hadn't come along on the hunting party, but I wasn't sure if he could protect her by himself and I didn't want to find out the hard way that he couldn't.

_Sam, I can't take it. I've got to go check on her. _

_No, Jacob. We protect _our _lands and _our _families. _Sam's voice changed as he issued the command: _You will remain on the reservation with your brothers where you belong tonight. _

I could feel a quiet whine escape me involuntarily, but I knew I'd do as I was told. And I knew Sam was right. My responsibility was to my people. No matter where my heart was, my job was here. Sam, Jared, and Paul stayed on patrol and the rest of us went back to La Push to guard our families.

As soon as my shift ended, I phased and ran to the phone to call Bella.

"Hello?"

"Charlie?"

"Jake? Is that you? Something wrong? What time is it?"

"Er…I guess it's pretty early. Sorry, Charlie, everything's fine. I just was wondering if I could talk to Bells."

"Sorry, kid, she's not here, can I take a message?"

Not there? It was six in the morning. Where on earth was she at six in the freaking morning?

"Where is she?"

"She's at her mom's this weekend…with er, uh, Eward."

Yuck, but at least I knew she wasn't anywhere near the redhead. I guess that counted for something…

"Listen, Charlie will you have her call me the minute she comes back? It's important."

"Of course, Jake. What's this about?"

"Just give her the message, OK? Thanks, Charlie."

I hung up before he could ask me anymore questions or worse: volunteer any information about Bella's overnights with Prince Charm-the-blood-right-out-of-you. I thought worrying about Bella being massacred by the redhead wad disturbing, but imagining Bella introducing her bloodsucking boyfriend to her _mom _was downright pukeworthy.

I tried to relax, but I still hadn't heard from Bella, so I kind of just sat there willing the phone to ring. Every so often I dialed Bella's again, but kept getting Charlie over and over. By the seventh or eighth call I started to worry that Charlie was going to take out a restraining order on me. It didn't keep me from calling that ninth time, though…

"Hello?"

"You're back." I was shocked when she answered. The relief overwhelmed me for a second, followed by irritation that she'd neglected to call me sooner.

"Yes."

"Why didn't you call me?" Her bloodsucking boyfriend probably didn't want her to talk to me or something. Dirtbag.

"Because I've been in the house for exactly four seconds and your phone call interrupted Charlie telling me that you'd called." Shoot, she was mad.

"Oh. Sorry."

"Sure. Now why are you harassing Charlie?" Always so quick to forgive me. She was still my girl. Why was I calling again?

"I need to talk to you."

"Yeah. I figured out that part all by myself. Go ahead." Crap. What could I say to her with Charlie and _Edward _standing there. I had to see her in person…

"You going to school tomorrow?"

"Of course I am. Why wouldn't I?" Good. I could say everything I needed to say to her tomorrow and I could see her for myself and make sure she was OK. Well, OK as Bella ever seemed to be. Alive at the very least.

"I dunno. Just curious."

"So what did you want to talk about, Jake?" _Well, actually I was hoping to talk you into moving in with me so I could watch over you properly while the redhead who's stalking you is still on the loose._

"Nothing really, I guess. I …wanted to hear your voice."

"Yeah, I know. I'm _so_ glad you called me, Jake. I…"

"I have to go." I couldn't listen to this. It seemed utterly indecent to have her talk to me like that with her (vomit) boyfriend standing right there. Seriously, was she totally oblivious?

"What?" She was hurt that I was getting off the phone. Nice. I thought I was confused, but boy for someone so in love with her leech of a love machine, she sure did love talking to _me._ I didn't think I was reading her wrong, I thought _she_ was reading her wrong.

"I'll talk to you soon, okay?"

"But Jake---"

I hung up before she could finish that thought. I'd see her soon enough and Edward would be hearing from me as well. He could use a few reminders. I was dead on my feet, but I went to see Sam anyway. I wanted an official reason to pull off my plans and pack business was as good a reason as any. I phased right there in the house so I could get a hold of him. We decided to meet at his place and I was off in a flash. I was ready to put my plans into action. It was time to fight dirty.


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